deb_1908

it has been sometime since i had last post, has been so busy that i had already forgotten that i even had a blog. This time it is something sad that i wanted to share. As you all know my second job after my grad from poly was working as a temp in Singtel for a period of 6 months. In this 6 months i had alot of memories there. But on 5th of Oct, around 7:30 or later, i receive a new that till now i still cannot beileve and accept the fact that it had happen

While working in Singtel, I had met with someone call Fahmy. He is a joker, from the first day i had entered into the company, i had always known that he is a crapper. As long as he is there you will know that you will never be bored. As stated in the newapaper how everyone had described him, it is so true that he is this kind of person. A nice, mature, happy, joker, a very good friend as well as family orientated. I can see that he is working very hard for a better future. We had chatted alot regarding "studies" and his plan on continuing studying which i had encouage as well. During work i remembered we joked tgt, disturb each other, and even helping me with my doubts at work. When he become my gf's mentor, i rmb him disturbing my gf, and later us as well. But in the end he left the company early, but he still distube me in fb once in a while. I will always rmb that i save his face by passing him my family aleo vera cream...haha...the times.

But when my gf told me the news the impact was not worng, i began to realise that it is real when i read abt his accident in the new.

http://sg.news.yahoo.com/safety-officer-dies-after-being-buried-in-sand-in-jurong-island.html

It really hurt, it is so sudden for such tragic accident happen to him. he is still go young with so many plans ahead and now he is gone. Not even a chance to prepare and say goodbye. It is really so shocking

today i read the news again abt his burial which hurt me even more.

http://www.tnp.sg/content/fathers-grief

In my mind I know that he is gone, really gone. But in my heart everything seems so unreal to me, i cannot beileve seeing his picture in the newspaper and online news paper. it is him really the him that we know had gone. but to me seeing all this is soemthing so hard to  beileve and hard to accept. But still goodbye my dear friend fahmy. Thou the periof that we know each other is short, but it is really a comfort to know someone so nice like you

RIP my dear friend. fahmy (will rmb the times we had in Singtel always)

i have met with nice ppl working in this company, but sometimes really pls dun think wadever you say is right or okay. It is okay for being straight forward and all. But still everything have its own limit. You may say "sorry ar wad i am going to say is going to offend you". But mst of it come when you nv say that. I like you personaity and all, but seriously everyone have a limit. And today i have reached mine. I dun hate you and all but sometimes it really get into my nerve.

Work:
I know that the company do not appreciate you after you had done so much, i have hear you complaint for sooo long, learn to accept it and get over it pls. And you know hw much i dun like something pls pls jus a small request, stop mentioning it infornt of me. I can understand you wan us to do something because of the good of the whole team. But when you told me something and had explain dun pm me and explain the whole thing and ur poor state again. To me i know ur intention but it made me loss trust, it is like you are trying to act inoccent infornt of me. wtf. Stop explaining alot of things to me, without ur explanation i also know ur kind heart and all, but pls wad u told make me feel tat u sound like is was not ur fault at all. Please no one ever put the blame on you.

Family:
I know that i am emotional, spoilt and pampered. And i know i like to mention "A" story out, but pls when you comment good one is okay, but sometimes i shoot me like everything i say is wrong. Fine i may be in the wrong but do u have to do tat to me. I know u are nt as fortunate as me, but serious i know u care and concern but your words had nv comfort me before. Sometimes i rather you jus shut up

Personal:
I know that you have saw my guy friend, but why must u bother whether i am single or attached. I have nv ever show concern or bother abt tat side of ur issue why do you have to bother abt mine. Yes i dun denied tat i hope to have a bf, but this kind of thing cannot be force, why do u have to ask me to consider abt tis and tat. Sometimes friends are just it is hard to move on to the nxt stage when there is nth at all...so pls stay out of it

* i know i am not perfect, useless and all. But i really cannot take it alrd, sorry reader in order  for me to continue to work better i have to do this.

this really have been some time since i have actually blog, work and study is really nv easy, but one thing to my comfort is that at least i do not see any OTs for this job, which is great. School have been tough, tight and hurrying. Just finish my MO's exam, this time i really have to thank my group mates and my brother soo much. Thanks groupies for the hints and my bro for the crash course, it really helped alot. Dearest babe, jocey birthday had passed, celebrated for her on thurs, really glad tat my sec sch clique is always with me. Babes u all are the best, u all are irreplacable in my heart, tehy will always be the nxt impt ppl after my family.

I am still hoping for changes to happen, but really am unsure what will happen nxt...shall see hw it goes. At least


For april 22

this really have been some time since i have actually blog, work and study is really nv easy, but one thing to my comfort is that at least i do not see any OTs for this job, which is great. School have been tough, tight and hurrying. Just finish my MO's exam, this time i really have to thank my group mates and my brother soo much. Thanks groupies for the hints and my bro for the crash course, it really helped alot. Dearest babe, jocey birthday had passed, celebrated for her on thurs, really glad tat my sec sch clique is always with me. Babes u all are the best, u all are irreplacable in my heart, tehy will always be the nxt impt ppl after my family.

I am still hoping for changes to happen, but really am unsure what will happen nxt...shall see hw it goes. At least one thing i am happy is tat all my friends tat used to be really close to me is happy, i am grateful to know that =D

time really can mould somebody to someone, facing many diff environment, facing many diff obstacles, being in many diff times, and every moment i will slowly change and become another person, good or bad i beileve only time can tell us. Cos we as individual will nv know that the changes happens to us is it good or bad.

In a moment of my life i really feel that i had meaning to my life, as nearly every weekend i have activities going out with my friends (thou is the same one), but at least i had nv had a feeling of lonely, alone, i know i am happy. But that moment had passed me now, thou it is something i will treasure and appreciate it  that it had happened before. Remembering that there is one moment that i find that i have no motivation to live my life at all, but after lossing my 2 grand mothers i had also change, no more such foolish thinking, it made me realise that better treasure whom ever is ard u, cos u will nv know when they leave u and u will regret it anymore.

Now life have been moving now, I had changed to someone whom just focus on her own impt stuff, came up with a new term for myself now "hermit crab". Yes cos mst of my time is spent at home and family seldom with friends, unlike last time, was upset was emo, but instead of being sad and demoralise why dun i just change my mindset and appreciate wad i am having right nw. So now thou i am at home, but was busy with my studies as well as work. No longer wanted to do anything that i will regret anymore...jiayou le debbie

Those whome made an effort to keep in contact with me...thanks appreciate it, will rmb u all always

shall give a warning before hand, i beileve in this entry i may sound a lil crude, rude and all the bad things u can mention, but sorry i am not going to cared as i find tat i really need to do this.

It has been a very long time since i had blogged, as i was really busy really really busy. Now really find that i need silent...all i really need is silent. I really feel like going to back to my old self...my world of darkness and silent, do not need to bother abt anything, cared abt anything and loss and thoughtless. Really don't want to break down any more, it is really tired to break down all the energy is waste into tears. I don't want to do anything to harm myself, my guitar? school, work, guitar hw the h*** will i balance all those. Seriously i dun expect any care and conern, I know that you all are really nice to me and doing alot for me. But...pls dun comment dun mention....no sound pls i really need silent...tats is all i need.

Do you know tat a tone of speech can just spoil a day's mood, do u know a simple comment can bring ppl dwn to nth, do you know tat when someone is trying her best to be positive and just a sarcasm can make someone negative. Serious i know i am very lucky and fortunate, I know u all loved me alot. Once again i am contirdicting myself, when will i ever really get over this stupid feeling. 

It has been so long since I had updated my blog, really feeling very tired of updating my blog as i find tat there is nothing interest and new happen in my life. Okay so now is year 2011, so shall apply what i had determine, focus on only studies, work and guitar. No other, no point thinking too much. But one thing tat i will bother is my sec sch babes, there are the ones tat i will appreciate in my life. Okay now i new job new environment new beginning. CNY had been very busy for me, spent alot of time with my family on cny. I became very family orientated now, as no much friends gathering comparing it to last time. So sld say literailty going to 0 (babes u are nt counted in this, we met quite frequent). Recently met qz, it has been quite some time since i last met him, had a nice chat with him, thou it is nt long but it is nice tat i still feel the bond tat i had with him and me is still there.

Sat was watching KBS, 2day 1 Night, i was looking at the special part where they surprise theit guest (foregin working in korea) with their family member. It was so touching as we can feel the love and and wodnerful bonds they had. I cried real hard, as there were 5 guest. All the scene tat they met their family was so touching, even though all is different but the love is all the same. These makes me appreciate my family even more.


(praying hard tat my work and studies will go well)

 finally 6 months had passed, and yst was my last day on SingTel. Had mixed feelings thou but no matter wad i have nt regretted entering singtel. First it had taught me my very first working experience of polictics, even though it was hard but still it help me prepare myself for the same situation. I had met with many great friends there, especially gf and sexy, they are there for me and even go thru thick and thin with me. Nxt need to thanks my mama san and my mummy there, haha is only my CP incharge and my overall incharge, they really took care of me alot. My farewell was nth big, just like normal working days thou. But my gf prepare a card full of everyone's msg in this. So after work when i was on my way home frm sch (hand up assignment), i was reading the card. It was so touching nearly cried but was in the public so bear with it. Love it, i do not need anything expensive and all to appreciate it, to me a simple me can touched me and make me treasure for life. Now i know i will rmb this.

Touched memories tat i will nv forget:
- just entered rp, my clique surprise me with a simple piece oreo cheese cake as a belated birthday cake during our meal when we gathering. Was surprise and touched, thou it had passed so long but i always rmb it.

- jie ying surprise me with a piece of birthday cake infornt of my family....surprised and really ... thanks so much jieying

- didi (qz)'s video and present for my 21st... really tahan like crazy

- fyp teammates present for 20th birthday, did not expect it for them as they had alrd treat me a meal

- GF xmas card

- nw singtel MBESup farewell card to me

okay actually i was not planning to write this post, but seriously i cannot let this feeling to stay inside of me any longer, if not i can never concerntrate on the things that I have to concerntate one. Really having the feeling of being alone now. I know i am kind of anti- social will nt be the one asking ppl out etc etc. But now in my life, i really feel like i am all alone.

First instance that come to me is when i am seeing my gf doing soo many things for her bf, seriously admire her. But i cannot hope much as the fact tat i am single, i also cannot be unreasonable to ask my gf to acc me, as i know that she have to acc her bf. My family, they have their own plans as well, as hw can i be selfish to demand them to acc and all, when they give me all the space i want to do my own things. Friend mosy of them in ns, now for me having friends is like not having them at all, due to studies i do not talk to most of them much, and i beileve most of them are busy as well with studies and work and NS. Okay i am seriously contridicting myself now, nvm i think the best way for me is to change my focus. Since i had just change my guitar strings i am determine to go back to my guitar, so shall focus more on my guitar and studies at the moment.

Time had really passed, and I am counting down to my days in singtel as my days available for me to study for my exam. Left a few more weeks and my 6 months are up..Yes!! finally.

Okay today my body is really giving way, my head is killing me for some time now, nearly have to relie on pandol, forcing myself not to eat it everyday unless i really cannot take it. And poor brother of mien had a serious ankle sprain hope he is better. Not planning to work OT now  a days as i am getting seriously tried. Stress? maybe a lil, seriously do not know what my body wants and what i want for myself. I am going into my lost state once again...okay no matter what i am going to change for focus for the being, release me from everything inculding those unwanted emotion and i am clouding myself with...haiz .

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